American Me?

Being a teenage, third culture kid comes with a lot of emotions. If you do not know what a third culture kid is, let me explain it first. A third culture kid is composed of two or more cultures. The first culture is your passport country, or home country culture. The second culture is your host country, or the country that you are living in that is not where you are originally from. Over time these two cultures mix and this beautiful new culture is formed. It is unique to the individual. I am a third culture kid. I am not just American, and I’m not just Portuguese. I’m this weird mix of the two. I have adopted some things from the American culture, and I have adopted some things from the Portuguese culture. Sometimes you see more of the American side of me and other times you see the Portuguese side. But now that you know what a third culture kid is, I want to talk about how my experience was going back to America for the first time since moving abroad. 

My family and I got on an airplane to head back to America for two months on June 29th. Beforehand, I had heard and read about reverse culture shock, but because this was my first time, I really had no idea how I was going to react to being back in America. From Lisbon we landed in Philadelphia and quite immediately I was bombarded with reverse culture shock. I had been immersed in the Portuguese language for the past two years, so suddenly hearing so much English was overwhelming. In Portugal, I had learned to block out surrounding Portuguese conversations that I couldn’t understand, so they would become more like white noise. But now being able to understand everything that everyone is saying around me was overstimulating. Even while being in the Philadelphia airport, I almost ran into an older lady and apologized in Portuguese because, at that moment, that was the first thing that came to my mind. I had stepped onto American soil and felt like a foreigner, an outsider. 

Once back in my home town, I began to feel less of an outsider and more normal because I was surrounded by family and friends, but I couldn’t help but notice the difference between my old self that used to live here, and the new Ava that was returning. The old Ava only had one perspective. She was content with going to the same stores and eating the same food. Trying new things and getting outside of her comfort zone was something she did not like to do. Now, the new Ava coming back is completely different. She enjoys going to new places and trying new foods. Getting outside of her comfort zone doesn’t scare her as much as it used to. Being back in America I realized that my values had changed over the course of living in Portugal. I had gained many new perspectives through the different people that surrounded me. Living in a new culture had opened my eyes to how others live and what is truly valuable. Both had changed me in Portugal, so coming back to the things I used to think really highly of now did not hold much importance. 

As my trip in America drew closer to the end, I began to worry. I had not “settled” back in America, and honestly I missed Portugal and the life that we had built there, but I was worried with the question “Would I be ok leaving again?”. Once again though, the Lord remained faithful and helped me get back on the plane to Portugal at peace. He showed us His abundant favor all throughout our travels getting back. When we reached our apartment, me, Mom, and Brooke ran up the front stairs and to the elevator to get to our home on the fourth floor. We opened the door and it smelled like the day we bought it. I walked in and this super strange feeling overcame me. It was like my eyes were seeing my apartment differently even though it looked the exact same way as I had left it. What was this weird feeling? It felt like I was walking into someone else’s house. It did not feel like my home as it once did before. After walking around I began to cry. It scared me. Was I going to adjust again? What was happening to me?  As I cried and explained to my mom what I was feeling she gave me words of truth. Can I just pause really quick and say thank you Mom for always being a voice of truth for me! We all need people in our life that will be a voice of reason when we need it. She gently told me that 1) I was lacking sleep because I had pretty much been up for the last +24 hours, 2) I needed some food, 3) I needed a shower, and 4) this house feels different because it has been lifeless for the past two months. Once we were all unpacked and all of us were back in our normal routine this would feel like home again because our family was the reason our house felt like a home. She was right, and afterwards things began to feel normal again. Although there are some things that I am going to have to readjust to, I remind myself that the Lord has helped me in the past and He is still just as faithful to help and strengthen me again.

There were times throughout my first furlough where I was confused about my identity. There were moments where I felt like I didn’t belong in America or Portugal. But God’s Word tells me that my identity is found in Him. Psalm 100:3, “Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who makes us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.” Even if I am sometimes conflicted between my two cultures I am reminded of where my true citizenship is. Philippians 3:20, “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.” 

I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog and listen to my story! I hope this can encourage and give you insight of what it looks like for a teenage missionary kid. I hope you can see the joy it is to have Jesus with you even through the hard times. Jesus loves you!
Ava